Covert Narcissistic Abuse: Main Signs and How to Protect Yourself

Destructive behavior makes it hard for narcissists and alcoholics to maintain relationships. All personality and substance abuse disorders are diagnosed based on a strict set of criteria described in the DSM-5. While there is room for interpretation, a person with NPD and/or AUD must meet a minimum standard before a diagnosis can be delivered with confidence. It is not uncommon for two mental health conditions to co-exist (referred to as a comorbidity).

abusive behaviors covert narcissists may engage in

• The child of a covert narcissist father or mother will try to be the perfect offspring in their eyes—either to earn love, or to avoid punishment and cruelty.
• If your alcohol use is severe, you’ll likely need to go to an inpatient facility so that you can safely withdraw from alcohol.
• If your needs and feelings are being discounted, if you feel manipulated or abused, see a therapist and learn how to confront this behavior.
• If you must be in the same environment because you work together, aim to keep yourself to yourself and don’t engage in small talk with them, nor spend time with them at lunch or after work hours.
• Someone living with narcissistic personality disorder may tend to resent when others don’t give them the status or importance they think they deserve.

When AUD and NPD occur together, it can increase a person’s hostility and aggression. This can make treatment more challenging than it would be to treat each issue separately. The number of criteria a person meets determines whether they have AUD, and if so, the severity of the condition. They may also hold grudges against people covert narcissist and alcohol who earn the praise or recognition they think they’re entitled to, such as a co-worker who receives a well-deserved promotion. Criticism is a threat because it constitutes evidence that the person’s negative view of themselves may actually be true. When they receive a critique instead of admiration, they can take it pretty hard.

Narcissism vs. narcissistic personality disorder

We’re all under pressure to be like our ideals, to make ourselves into a certain image, and we do all sorts of things to create the illusion that we’re fine, including lying to ourselves and others,” he says. This need often leads people to boast about their achievements, often by exaggerating or outright lying. It occurs on a broad spectrum that involves a range of potential traits. This was measured by the Readiness to Change Ruler for Decreased Drinking.37 Participants rated their level on the ruler ranging from 0 (Never think about my drinking) to 10 (My drinking has changed. I now drink less than before).

What’s the difference between overt and covert narcissism?

That said, if there’s a narcissist parent who has turned one of their children into a scapegoat, that child may end up with covert narcissism in turn because of the cruelty they’re subjected to. One of the most common covert narcissist traits is a lack of empathy for others. Covert narcissists are so focused on getting their own needs met that they don’t seem to see (or care) when those around them are suffering.

This is because they like to have the freedom to leave whenever a better opportunity presents itself. They want the security of an engagement, but not the bonds of marriage. Similarly, they’ll claim that they can’t go back to school because they’re supporting others financially, and they can’t train physically because they’re too tired or sick from sacrificing themselves for their families for years.

NPD is a mental health condition in which a person displays a pattern of grandiose behavior, lack of empathy for others, and need for excessive attention and admiration [2]. While alcohol use disorder and narcissism occur together relatively often, this doesn’t necessarily mean that NPD causes alcohol problems. It is, however, possible that individuals who experience distress or dysfunction as a result of NPD may turn to alcohol consumption as a coping mechanism, placing them at higher risk of developing AUD. Narcissism is a personality trait where people may feel a need for admiration, show a lack of empathy, or be self-involved. It is typical for people to display occasional narcissistic traits, but a pattern of narcissism could be part of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a mental health condition.

NPD diagnosis

Vulnerable narcissism was a significant predictor of problem recognition. This means that vulnerable narcissists tended to recognize the existence of alcohol problems. To spot the signs of a covert narcissist, it can be helpful to look at how narcissistic traits may emerge in different settings.

Some mental health conditions are likely to occur together, and when they do, they’re called co-occurring disorders. Alcohol use disorder and narcissism are common co-occurring disorders, and in some cases, the symptoms of the two conditions may present similarly [1]. However, when protecting yourself from covert narcissistic abuse, you may want to skip direct confrontation. Try to calmly explain how you feel but if the other person isn’t receptive, you may want to end the conversation and consider how you want to proceed with the relationship. People with NPD may find it difficult to hold and respect healthy boundaries in relationships. Crossing or ignoring the boundaries you’ve set, or acting as if they know better, can be a sign of covert narcissistic abuse.

Repeated relationship cycles.

• You might have heard different variations of them over the years, or they may help you to identify covert narcissists you’ll come across in the future.
• A lack of empathy makes it hard for someone with covert narcissism to step into other people’s shoes.
• One limitation of this study is the lack of diversity in the sample’s age (18–25) and race (88% Caucasian).
• It may present with the same narcissistic traits and symptoms as other narcissism types, only that some of these signs may be less intense or not openly displayed.